I tend to shoot from the hip. I fire then aim so often its a wonder I’m allowed to own a weapon (figuratively speaking of course). If I don’t fire fast, I’ll over think things and then I won’t do them… There’s so much in life worth doing. When I stand on the edge imaging total failure in every way possible I never jump. There are people I’ve experienced who don’t even contemplate failure. They stand on the edge and imagine themselves soaring!!!
I don’t know if its the way I’m wired or it’s the sum of a ton of terribly embarrassing experiences… most of which happened at my stupidity but some definitely out of my control and super painful. Growing up I carried a few burdens…. ones I shouldn’t have ever had the notion to contemplate. The first was that something was wrong with me. I literally hated myself. My father chose not to be in my life at a very young age and I remember crying year after year thinking things like “the one person that should love me the most doesn’t even want to be in my life,” or “there must be something wrong with me for him to not want to be a part of my life.” I’ve experienced true public humiliation, bullying and the rejection of those I thought were my friends.
I know some who have experienced much worse that dusted themselves off and kept going. To you who have done that, thank you. You’ll probably never know who you’ve inspired.
So this blog will be a shoot from the hip kind of blog. Here’s who I am… I’m a mom of four. I stay at home with them but lets just be real, I work my butt off. We aspire to run an organic farm. We eat animals but believe strongly in the ethical treatment of all animals and we strive to eat clean. We are Christians who often stand back and look objectively at the faith and what people are standing for… I find so many traditions confusing. That said, you can’t take from me the things I’ve experienced with God. He’s more real to me than you reading this right now.
You probably already know this but I’m also a songwriter. I write about the hard stuff mostly…It’s how I overcome and it’s how I process and my own music speaks to me a lot. I’ve stuffed my own voice down like a dirty rag on a crime scene and struggled to even let myself be heard but I’m passionate about people. I love them. All of them. The best and the worst. I love them in all of their brokenness. I know what brokenness feels like. I know what’s it’s like to be completely lost with all of the answers staring me down and no way to make them my own. I know what it takes to crack someones soul so deeply they give in to the darkness. I also know I have a stock pile of rope ready for those who want to climb out.
So here’s to the full embrace of everyone reading this. I love you. Let’s talk.