I remember the moment I wrote this song. My husband was deployed and the 45th Infantry Brigade lost three of our guys in one day. Our brothers were broken over it. I laid on the floor of my living room tearfully sketching out words of sorrow. I witnessed dreams shattered and homes forever changed. It was a loss greater than I could bear. I was feeling it so deeply because I too had lost someone. His absence wrecked my soul. It was so many hopes and dreams and futures things that would never see light. They’d only be tucked deep into my heart, just to be stirred year after year… month after month… day after day as life’s events unfold and he still isn’t here.
I played that piano piece over and over as I struggled to say anything at all. I struggled to even define my emotions. I just hurt. It all hurt. I couldn’t help but think of the ones I loved that were hurting and all of the things they were robbed of. Let’s be honest. Death is theft. There are other things in life that steal from us. The theft of innocence. A violation of the soul. I too mourned that one. The theft of identity. Abuse or neglect can rob us of our identity. I too mourned that one.
As I spent the wee hours of the morning processing I knew I wasn’t hopeless. I knew that tomorrow I would get up and I’d love on my children. Through my tears I’d make them breakfast and then lunch and I’d read books to them. My routine wouldn’t change much… my life would be the same. But theirs wouldn’t. It was forever different.
I sought deep within me the whisper of truth. What is my hope in this moment? What is the ground that I stand on when all of life is shaking it? My solace was that I wasn’t alone. The arms of God were wrapped around me. Even though I knew in that moment that no matter where I went those arms would go with me, it took time to really get it. Where He is, that is home.
Home
Home – Lyrics
Written by – Wendy Nichol; Production – Ja’Marc Davis; Piano – Wendy; Lead Vocals & BGV – Wendy; Electric Guitar – Jordan Phillips; Drums – Jesse Sprinkle; Bass – Ryan Creek; Violin – Rick Morton
I’m sitting here on the empty floor
Seems like we’ve been here before
No depth of light can shine into this heart of mine
And bring me back the prayers once prayed in overtime
I can’t take back what I lost today
No words describe my inner pain
I don’t know… why you’d take him home
There will always be things I don’t understand
People making choices breaking trust and then
There’s death and life, and theft of a much deeper kind
We fight or flight, and can’t decide which truth to mind
I can’t take back what I lost today
No words describe my inner pain
Cause I don’t how to call this home
Home’s with you, no matter where you are
I feel cracked and broken down
Wondering how I’m gonna get around
But I’ve seen your face, I know things this can’t erase
My hope past due, I find it only works in you
I can’t take back what I lost today
But you’ll redeem this tragedy some way
That’s why I know… Your arms make this home
