Thrive…. what does thrive mean to you? If you were to allow yourself to actually dream without limitations right now… what would it look like? If money wasn’t the goal or the vision or the obstacle. Thrive, as a person.
Some just can’t allow themselves to really envision life without limitations. It’s too painful. I’ve started to struggle with that myself again lately. Because broken dreams can cause you to stop dreaming. I’ve stopped dreaming in some areas of my life out of disappointment and I’ve had to rewire my thinking… because it has made it much more difficult to allow myself to dream in other areas. (Truly I’m only talking about one today but the complexity of my disappointments over the last five years have done a number on my heart.)
I’m a visionary. I walk into a house and I see all of the cool things I could do with it. Most people want to buy a house that doesn’t need work. I love creative designs that need a creative touch to bring out their potential.
When we bought our property several years ago I was dreaming VERY BIG. My heart was exploding with ideas. I wanted to feed the world with organic non-GMO foods and raise my own livestock. I had detailed visions for edible hedges and landscapes. I could see buildings/greenhouses and trees and animals everywhere.
Back then my husband often said things like “you can’t grow that here” and I was like “watch me.” We started building a greenhouse, we were given goats and chickens so we busted our butts for months putting up electric fencing and then redoing the fencing and then redoing the fencing again. I landscaped and planted tons of stuff. We even dug out swales and planted fruit trees. Farming is hard ya’ll!
Year after year I added irrigation, supportive plants, fertilizer, and mulch… year after year we lost nearly everything.
I had a vision for adding on to the house. I want a door in this wall and a bathroom at that end of the house and I want to add on a bedroom because we have a thousand children sharing two bedrooms and it’s cramped and my one girl needs her own room eventually. We have unfinished issues all over the house.
In the middle of all of those hopes and efforts, I had two difficult pregnancies in a row. They each took me out of commission for 6 months… This last one was even longer because I couldn’t tend to animals with a newborn and a toddler that still puts everything in his mouth.
If you had asked me five years ago what thriving meant I would have said: “own my own land, grow my own food, raise my own animals, be nearly financially independent and have a successful music career.” My heart aches just to say that… because those things feel so unobtainable after the last five years we’ve had.
My discontent with our current life has wrecked my positive outlook. It’s not on the surface. It’s underneath because on top of that I’m thriving as a teacher and housekeeper and organizer of a thousand children (really it’s just four). Then somewhere in the middle, I’m pushing myself forward with my passions for music and writing because sometimes it’s all I can do to just not quit. Hoping one day someone will read my words.
Where I’m at right now… what “thrive” is to me now is inner peace and outer drive. It’s stripping away what gets in the way of what matters most. Boy have we stripped. We sold and gave away our animals nine months ago. I’m hanging on to the few fruit trees and bushes we have left… but I’ve let it go. No more gardening right now. We’ve canceled all building projects, even shelved pre-bought supplies. We’re so task driven that we forget to eat when we’re working on those things. It’s just not our season to do all of that yet. My littles need me inside, snuggling them and loving on them and keeping a good schedule that’s conducive to peace and home education.
Thrive to me now is personal discipline. It’s having my insides and my outsides in unison… agreement. It’s letting my heart mend, releasing the disappointments and allowing my vision to change. When I know that I’m a person that values health and fitness I should look like one that does. When I know I’m a person that values a good book I should actually read books! I value self-control and a strong mind. I should look like someone who has that!! I value self-care and peaceful communication that inspires creativity and children who know they can problem solve.
I think we all have rough days. But thriving… really thriving means you have the tools to turn those days around and do it well. Do every day well. If today is a day to grieve, then grieve! Grieve all the way. If it’s a day to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and work… then do that. If it’s a day to let everything go and lay on the couch and snuggle your babies or your pets or your significant other or just lots of pillows and Netflix, then do that. Do it all the way. So you can get up tomorrow and it can be a new day.
Let your broken dreams become beautiful things.
Let them change you and grow you.
Let yourself drop the expectations, forgive all that let you down and build something new.
P.S.
I’d so love to hear from you! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. If there’s anything you’d like me to share about let me know that too!
-Much Love
Wendy
