How routine can change everything.
One of the painful truths of life is that everything is a process. So often I’ve caught myself in the middle of a toddler-like tantrum… (my own tantrum…on the inside of course), because things were not going my way RIGHT. NOW.
I want to be skinny; right now. I want to be debt free; right now. I want to have chickens laying eggs; right now. I want to be awesome at homeschooling! RIGHT NOW. Everything comes at a cost and everything takes time.
All new skills started somewhere. My husband is a decorated marksman. This means that he shoots very well both with a pistol and a rifle. He’s placed and medaled in competitions. Sure, he has a natural leaning towards the art, but he has put in the work, listened to mentors and honed his skill. He did not come out of basic training hitting perfect targets but by the time he was in his final years of serving (he served 15 years by the way) he was the one mentoring.
He was teaching about breath, positioning, grip, adjusting your sight and so much more.
I’ve personally witnessed friends who are very disciplined, educate themselves and take steps toward health and fitness or daily study and have to take it in strides. Even they are not perfect. They simply make one choice after another to stick to what they want to achieve.
There are however skills that involve a significant adjustment in the way we think. Especially with things that involve fear and insecurity we have to hurdle through the mindset obstacles while simultaneously trudging through the new life lessons.
I know someone who desired to enter the realm of homeschooling her kids. She doesn’t come from higher education (as most homeschooling moms I know don’t). However, her background is that of brokenness. She’s heard more negativity about herself over her lifetime than positivity.
As much as she wants to sit in a routine with her five-year-old every day and teach her something she first has to develop the disciplines of self-care, communication, and emotional security.
It’s a regular thing to lose her child’s attention and be unable to recoup her own insecurities in the process. Instead of choosing a new approach with ease or going after her own education she is bogged down with self-doubt and negative emotions.
Is she incapable of homeschooling? Nope. Not in the least. This momma just needs to know how valuable she is. She needs a deep knowledge of her value that nothing can shake.
Yes, she also needs to learn some skills.
Routine is learned. It is not gifted. Those that live in routine developed it at some point in their lives. I diligently teach my kids routine as I learn it myself because the routine has an intense amount of power in our lives. It empowers us to conquer conquer conquer.
Self-care is learned. It is not gifted. We do not come out of the womb knowing how to rest when to work, how to pursue the deepest longings of our hearts while keeping priorities in order. We have to be taught what matters most, how to balance needs and wants. When to say no and when to say yes.
Boundaries are learned. They are not gifted. Healthy parents that have healthy boundaries teach their kids how to have healthy boundaries. They teach their kids that their opinions matter, that no one can violate their bodies or their time. They teach them their voice matters. They demonstrate a healthy way of creating one’s own space without violating the space of others and they do this without guilt.
Communication is learned. It is not gifted. No one is born knowing how to say what they want, need or demand. We learn early on that crying gets someone to scramble and how those people respond teaches us how to communicate. This teaches us our value. When we are picked up out of the crib and cradled in the arms of a joyful mom, snuggled into the neck and kissed, given a change and a bottle, it is being communicated to us that we are good and the world is good. We learn what we can and can’t ask for from day one.
Parenting is learned. It is not gifted. We scramble from day one to do the job handed to us. Some start out with lots of learned lessons in our tool belt. Those who’ve cared for children or had deeply nurturing parents have far more tools than those who were neglected by their own.
So, this is to you my friend who is struggling to grow into the person that you want to be. We all are. We all start somewhere. We all have to learn. You aren’t behind. You’re right where you should be and there’s an amazing blessing on the other side of this struggle. So fight through it. I promise it’ll be worth it.
So what’s the key here?
The key is routine! If you need help establishing one lets talk! But here’s an example of a good self-care routine for the beginner:
- Set up the coffee pot
- Set out your workout clothes
- Have a clean kitchen and quick pick up around the house
- Personal hygiene check
- Write out your goals and to-dos for the next day.
- Take out of the freezer meat or food for tomorrow’s dinner
- Set alarm to wake up before the kids or before the minimum time you need to prepare to leave for work. For ease, we’ll say 5:00 am
- Slip on your work out shoes and a hoodie and grab a water.
- Give yourself a 20-30-minute workout, turn on the coffee pot.
- Take a quick shower
- Sip your coffee with a brief morning read or journaling in quiet.
- 6:00 am, the kids wake up (Or it’s time for breakfast and getting ready to leave for work) and now YOU’VE started your day instead of the day starting you.
These are simple examples. If you wanted to develop a routine of reading with your kids, create a better mindset or positive outlook, better-eating habits, develop a new or improve a skill, these can all be developed with a routine!
What changes do you most want to make in your own life?
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